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Down, set, hike! First quarter is here!

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It’s that time of year again! Hyperbole!!! 2011, baby!!! Our intrepid Nick Ising, VP, has taken a fine toothed comb through Polamalu’s hair…I mean, the first quarter, to give us his impression of the ads. Enjoy!
McDonald’s – The Bears
Typically cute Mickey-D stuff where Papa Bear promises Baby Bear McDonald’s.  So they pillage the car of park-goers who just left the Golden Arches.  I loved the line, “there’s always an extra fry at the bottom,” as Papa Bear shakes the last morsel from the car before tossing it aside.

Living Social – Changed My Life
Creepy.  Simply creepy.  And until I’m in the market to go transgender, I’ll probably stay away.

Ford Focus – Road Rally
Much ado about who cares. I have no interest in an Amazing Race boiled down to minute-sized bites.  My two daughters — who are much closer to the demo — looked at me and said “what was that about?”  I’m thinking “who was that about?”

Bud Light – Hack Job
In this reality show look-alike, they just put a bucket of Bud Light on the counter and call it a home makeover.  Naturally, the guy says it’s the best thing since canned beer.  Wife says “you just put Bud Light on the counter.”  The only thing that saved this spot for me was the kicker when the landscapers moved into the back yard with cases of Bud Light.  Was Hack Job the name of the show or the creative team?

Doritos – Pug
I love dogs, but I am not a fan of pugs.  So when the set-up for this spot looks like the dog will soon be running into the glass door…I wanted to stick around and see the punch line.  In the ensuing 20 seconds, however, I begin to dislike the pug’s antagonist enough to laugh out loud when the pug crashes the door down on him.

Audi A8 – Escape
I didn’t have a clue where this one was going, but was intrigued with the great set, scripts, props, wardrobe and casting.  Two members of the Old Boys Club escape from a high security, rich wood-and-leather gilded prison.  Instead of alarms, other prisoners are ringing fine silverware against the sides of their crystal champaign glasses.  (A testament to the producers’ attention to detail is the sign that says “Remember your rights, Remember YACHT!  You Always Can Have Truffles!”) Once outside the older Old Boy opts for the Mercedes Benz, but the younger, wiser and (of course) better looking escapee knows “it’s a trap!”
“Nonsense, my father owned one,” replies the elder, whose name we learn is Lancaster.  The A8 makes a smooth getaway while the Benz takes a quick right back through the prison’s “Prisoner Reception” gate.  In another challenge to Mercedes’ leadership, Audi’s “Escape the Confines of Old Luxury” spot cleverly has Lancaster’s last line “I’ve been hoodwinked!”  Hoodwinked in his escape or hoodwinked in the Benz?  Nice.  My favorite of the first quarter.
Oh, and I hear this spot is making Kenny G the next Betty White.

Doritos – Cheetle
Nasty.  The Doritos fanatic moans “mmmm, cheese” as he licks the powdery residue from the fingers of his coworker who just finished a bag of Doritos (that dust, by the way, was originally identified as “cheetle” when Cheetos were the only powdery residue snack food).  Yeah, I’m hungry from Doritos now.  WAIT!  Please don’t lick it of the other guys pants……

Chevy Cruze Eco – Misunderstanding
Turn up the volume.  An Eco commercial is playing at the Starlight Home for the Hard of Hearing.  The 80-somethings are trying to determine if the announcer said “42 miles per gallon” or “42 Wild Italians.”  Or was it a Cruise for plus-size individuals.  “It’s a commerical, that’s all,” concludes nice old Aunt Edna.  How true.  How True.  Another top three spot for me.

Pepsi MAX – Domineering Wife
She scares me.  And if I can’t say something nice, I won’t say anything.  Especially when I think she’s really out there!

Bud Light Product Placement
“Whenever we feature a product in scene we get tons of free stuff,” the production assistant says to the director when a bottle of cleaner is on the table in a medieval sword-fight scene.   Next thing you know, the castle is awash in Bud Light and assorted Bud Light point of sale materials.  Yawn. Is it time for bed yet?

Chevy Silverado – Tommy
In this run-up of the 1950s Lassie movies, the family Silverado honks its message and Pa understands Tommy is at the bottom of the well, in the belly of whale, you get the idea.  I did like the kicker, when Pa says “I didn’t know our town had a volcano.”  This one is in the top three of my first quarter spots.

Fast Five – An action movie, cut down to :30.  I’ve seen enough.

Pepsi MAX – Groin Shot
Really?  Shots to the groin haven’t been overused yet.  What else you got?

Cowboys and Aliens
OH. MY. GAWD. The only thing I can imagine stupider than a movie called “Cowboys and Aliens,” is spending $3 million to promote it.

Kia Optima – Car Thieves
Eveyone is getting into the action stealing this Kia Optima.  A motorcycle cop, a secret agent, a super villain, King Triton, aliens and a Mayan priest.  One Epic Ride = One  Overblown Ego and One Over-Budget Production.

Lipton Brisk – Eminem
Bad-boy spokes-claymation character makes wild demands (in addition the cool mill he got for his voice-over).  Creative and breakthrough.  Though I wonder how many Marshall Mathers fans will pick up a can of this stuff.  And if  they pick it, will they pay for it???

Bridgestone- Reply To All
If you’re gonna use that damned RTA button, you better get some damned good tires.  I’m just sayin….

Chevy Volt – History is Made
A Hyperbole winner!  If hyperbole and puffery wins awards, or sells cars, this one’s a sure winner.  Personally, I thought the exaggerated comparison lacked any creative charge.

Go Daddy dot-com – Joan Rivers
If I don’t like it — as a consumer, that is — does that mean I’m not a geek?  Really, who is the target here?  I don’t get this campaign and never did.

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